Expectations vs. reality

In transition...

Mar 05, 2025

When I was about to discontinue from the seminary, I mapped out plans for my life. For someone who planned everything, I felt that was the right approach and so I planned to the last detail because there was so much to do and no time to waste.

You're very familiar with the anxiety that comes from having so much to do but when you plan it out, you feel relaxed that it will work. The idea is usually to transition into a new phase with a script. But the truth is, you can never prepare enough for a new phase.

It's been 6 months and 5 days, and my entire script has not only been shredded, it's been burnt to ashes and the ashes cast into the sea. Right now I am working with only one plan; GOD.

We often mistake expectation for hope. Expectation is hope planned into specific action for a certain result based on past evidence. Hope on the other hand, is expectation without certainty based on future possibilities.

To illustrate the difference:

- Expectation: "I expect to get the job because I have multiple qualifications." (desire with certainty)

- Hope: "I hope I get the job, it would be a great opportunity." (desire without certainty)

The reason why reality is very cruel with expectations is that expectations create a false reality and in the real world, it crumbles. Most of our expectations are informed by others. How you expected your partner to treat you in a relationship, etc.

Hope is the path through reality because hope is accompanied by doubt and doubt gets you through reality. When you hope to get a new job, you know that there's a possibility you might not and this brings comfort, motivation, and resilience.

Expectations make you feel in utter control. For example, I'll read the remaining five chapters for tomorrow's exam from 10pm to 2am. For a Wasseminarian, I'll go to a new place, get a new job, make money, etc.

In reality, there is no utter control except you're the Creator of the universe. That's why by 11pm your legs are in a bucket of water yet your eyes are closing. The Wasseminarian is still living with his parents after a year. The reality check is that there's an order established by God. Expectations fail because it rejects higher order.

In expectations, you don't leave room for waste. I'll work from 8-11am then rest for 30 minutes and continue till 1pm. Every single moment is accounted for.

In reality, you will work from 8-11, yawn and take a Tiktok break that will end at 2pm. What was the problem? Expectations blind you from potholes. So you cannot accept wasting your time is real. In reality, you must waste time because you have to waste time to learn the value of time.

The reality check is to also account for the time you will waste and set systems against not wasting too much. For example, set a 30 minute and 1 hour timer after 11am. So when you yawn, and Tiktok comes knocking, your 30 minute timer reminds you to work. If it doesn't, the one hour will.

Expectations are usually rigid. With very little room for flexibility, you feel trapped that you can barely make changes. So instead of leaving the new relationship that threatens your life, you somehow know that things will work out.

In reality, there's both black and white and all the funny shades of colours like carmine, cinnabar, cinabrese, coquelicot that are shades of red. Reality teaches you that the new job you thought was your dream could become a nightmare and you should resign.

Like one colour having variant, there's one of you but shades of you that come and go. You are ever changing. That's the reality check. So don't subject yourself under rigid expectations.

Reality opens you to doubt to trust God completely because you realise that everything will go only as He has planned. This in turn opens you to a relationship where you work with His plans as the blueprint for yours.

In any phase, create systems instead of plans. While I wrote this publication, I've checked WhatsApp messages a few times even though I said I wouldn't. But the system I created is to only have 5 minutes access each time. So it's not rigid.

If you're trusting God in hope for a new phase. Then you have everything you need. If not, expect the next publication you choose👇

On Life Healing and Growing
A weekly account of my life as a Wasseminarian.

Happy Ash Wednesday to every Catholic. It's a season of reflection and my first Lenten season as a Wasseminarian.

My relationship with God is deepening even further. Finally, my prayer over the years have been answered. I have a deeper consciousness of the presence of the Holy Spirit.

I am still on my retreat and it's yielding fruits that I didn't know I could bear. Once in a year at least, go on a retreat, there's so much to learn.

I have a testimony. I spent a new record time in conversation with God in His Presence and I was begging for more time. It was transformative.

I just spoke on national TV. Ahhhh🥳🥳🥳🥳

Until next time. With love and intention. ❤️